From Jurassic Park to Taylor Swift

10 brand new jokes from comedian Andy Erikson!

Another week, another joke. Another joke, another laugh. Another laugh, and look at that. We’re not sad anymore. Easy peasy. You don’t need drugs and alcohol to be happy! You just need jokes. (therapist sold separately!) Maybe I should use this section to share things about my life, instead of just a stream of consciousness filling up space so that my blog will feel like it has substance. Hmmm. I’m flying to Minneapolis today! I’m exited to see how many free snacks I get on the airplane. I’m aiming for enough granola bars to break even on the cost of the flight… We’ll see. Send me granola bar vibes everybody! I feel them! I feel the granola bar vibes!!!! And I also feel cheese stick vibes! Here’s a photo of cheese rectangles. So yummy. This was my entire lunch the other day. CHEESE! With vegetable sauce. Settle down mom.

I can still smell the cheese. Probably because I use easy cheese for deoderant and every time I sweat I smell cheese. It’s organic!

Speaking of organic. Here’s some organic jokes. Plucked from my brain garden. Let me know which jokes made you go “Yum yum! Now that’s what I call a joke!” ENJOY!

10 NEW JOKES RIGHT HERE:

A stranger approached me the other day and told me I was “Tall, like Jurassic Park.”
And my husband who’s so sweet asks confused, “Who’s tall in Jurassic Park? Jeff Goldblum?”
And I had to tell him, “No honey, he’s talking about the dinosaurs. That stranger called me a giant ass dinosaur.”

I need more Velcro in my life. 

I just put my glasses on and started looking for my glasses.
Surprising how even though I could see so much better I still couldn’t find them.

Did you know that it’s National make stuff up day.?

I love that friends and family think I’m healthy because I take several daily vitamins.
Little do they know the vitamins are long gone and these are straight up plastic jars filled with Haribo gummy bears.

I just think books should be organized and grouped by color to form a giant bookshelf rainbow.
Okay?! It’s just prettier.
I don’t get why everyone is so upset.
And why the Librarians are shouting at me.

Aside from all the downsides, prison seems like a great opportunity to get a lot of writing done.

How does a German ninja say yes? Hai Jaaa!

I’m convinced that people who use a default wallpaper on their phones, don’t have families or friends. Because they murdered them.

I can’t imagine being Taylor Swift at a Kansas City Chiefs game.
The last thing I would want is a camera on me while I watch a football game.
“Let’s check the cam. Oh lord Andy’s eating Cheetos with both hands.
We scored! Back to Andy and…She’s distracted by a tiny blimp floating around. She completely missed it.
Halftime show and… Andy is crying? Why is she crying? Oh god. She’s rubbing her eyes with Cheeto fingers. That’s gotta hurt. Yep, she’s punching a grandma right now.
Extra point is good and…Andy’s shouting. We can make out the F word and the word hamster?
Oh no. Andy’s double fisting Cheetos again? WHERE DID SHE GET CHEETOS?”

THANK YOU FOR READING! I’d love if you left a comment and let me know what jokes you liked, and if you had any tags too. Or just any thoughts. THANK YOU SO MUCH! <3

AND DON’T FORGET I HOST A COMEDY WRITING COLLECTIVE!

The Squirrel Club Agenda!

Writing Zoom hangs will now be ONCE a month! The first Sunday of the month. And the next Zoom writing hang will be Sunday, October 6, @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central

AND NOW I’ll also be going live on Instagram, every Tuesday @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central. Join in for writing prompts, silliness, and writing games.

To stay in the loop, join my mailing list!

https://mailchi.mp/2f97fdf4cf82/squirrel-club-agenda-mailing-list

You can also support my comedy adventures on Patreon, and help me start a podcast!

https://patreon.com/TheSquirrelClubAgenda

Pretty cool.

And speaking of cool stuff, here are my upcoming comedy shows!

UPCOMING SHOWS:

MINNESOTA
Don't Tell gigs, Minneapolis - Sep 26-28

WISCONSIN
The Plus, Eau Claire, WI - Sep 29

LOS ANGELES, CA
Beef! At the Clubhouse - Oct 17th
Trigger Warning at The Glendale Room - Oct 12th
Jokeback Mountain - Nov 16th

MINNESOTA
Featuring at ACME w/ Tommy Ryman - Nov 27-30th