From Sports to Baby Otters

10 brand new jokes from comedian Andy Erikson!

So much is going on in my Comedy World right now! I’m gearing up for the launch of my second-ever comedy album: Corn Dogs Unleashed! I’ll be sharing the cover art with ya’ll soon! It’s AMAZING. There are corn dogs, and I might be in space and oh my gosh I’m so excited. And I’m even more excited for everyone to hear all my new jokes! So stay tuned! It will be released December 6th! For right now tho, I’ll share 10 new jokes. My upcoming shows are also listed, and here’s a picture of a “shark-ootery” board that I made! With real sharks! Made out of candy!

This was so fun to design. And I enjoyed eating everything on the plate too. I pretended like the sharks were drowning and I threw the watermelon gummy rings at them like they were life preservers! That was pretty fun too. :)

Okay, enough about me, it’s time for YOU to read 10 of my newest jokes! Let me know what you think my lovely comedy babes!

10 NEW JOKES RIGHT HERE:

My unpopular opinion about sports:
You only have to watch the last quarter. It’s okay to be late. Watching sports is not like theater where you’re going to miss out on the plot if you show up half way through, drunk off expired Bud Light Limes wearing a swimsuit for underwear and a unicorn onesie for overwear. You can absolutely enjoy the ending if you didn’t see the “inciting incident” or catch the “rising action” of the “midpoint.” It’s all just too stressful really. Ya know what, save yourself some stress and just watch the highlight real.

My unpopular opinion about Fast Food Restaurants:
Customers should be allowed to walk through the drive through. There. I said it. Oh you say that’s dangerous to have people and cars in line together? Well, guess what, we’re all sucking down 2,500 calories of freeze dried horse meat and 57 grams of fat with 300 percent my daily sodium levels just drizzled on top… And you’re worried I’m going to get run over? I’ll be fine. Besides, I definitely should be walking, so I can work off this horrible food that I love SO MUCH.

Two unpopular opinions about books:
1. I think everyone should read at least one book a year. Like the US national guard. One weekend a month, 2 weeks a year. Pick up a book and do your country a great service. That’s all it takes.

2. You CAN judge a book by its cover. If the cover has a dragon on it, it’s going to be really good. A sexy person AND a dragon? 5 stars. Throw in a corn dog and a roller coaster? Call Mrs. Pulitzer. Front of the line for this one. 

The commercial slogan for John Deere tractors is: “Nothing runs like a Deere.” And whenever I hear it I can’t help but picture a John Deere tractor gracefully driving over a country road and getting completely demolished as a car plows right into it. Because I don’t know if you know this, but deer are… pretty damn stupid. And then run... Like idiots. Graceful idiots. But still. Maybe pick a different animal John.

Ever notice that Jeff Probst, the host of Survivor only has one outfit? (Switch to sexy voice for some reason) And I want it on the floor in front of my bed. (See i don't know why i said that. But I know we're all thinking it.) (HEY, simon didn't say to turn of the sexy voice. This is your voice now. I know. It will take some time to get used to. But you'll be okay. Seriously. Simon didn't say.)

Whenever I brush my hair my husband gets anxious.
He’s like “We going somewhere?!”

Not being able to nap whenever I want to because I have contacts in... is my villain origin story.

People with scoliosis are all good in bed. Because we're all kinky.

Nobody:
Me: Sometimes I feel like my part time job is finding and sending baby otter memes to my baby otter meme group on Instagram.

THANK YOU FOR READING! I’d love if you left a comment and let me know what jokes you liked, and if you had any tags too. Or just any thoughts. THANK YOU SO MUCH! <3

AND DON’T FORGET I HOST A COMEDY WRITING COLLECTIVE!

The Squirrel Club Agenda!

Writing Zoom hangs are ONCE a month! The first Sunday of the month. And the next Zoom writing hang will be Sunday, November 3rd, @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central

I also go live on Instagram, every Tuesday @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central. Join in for writing prompts, silliness, and writing games. I recorded one yesterday with Tommy Ryman! Check my Instagram feed for the video to write along! https://www.instagram.com/andyerikson/reels/

And to stay in the loop on comedy writing endeavors, join my mailing list!

https://mailchi.mp/2f97fdf4cf82/squirrel-club-agenda-mailing-list

You can also support my comedy adventures on Patreon, and help me start a podcast, and save for my next comedy album!

https://patreon.com/TheSquirrelClubAgenda

Pretty cool.

And speaking of cool stuff, here are my upcoming comedy shows!

UPCOMING SHOWS:

LOS ANGELES, CA
Oct 24th - Sketchshow! Get Your Act Together w/Andy Rider
Nov 13th - Recession Proof Comedy
Nov 14th - Main Kitchen show in the Valley
Nov 16th - Jokeback Mountain @ Best Comedy Club Near Me
Nov 21st - Sketch Show with Andy Rider

MINNESOTA
Nov 27-30th - Featuring at ACME w/ Tommy Ryman