From Sweaters to Chips

10 brand new jokes from comedian Andy Erikson!

Well, it’s that time again. Time for jokes and cold hard facts! Yep. Super cold and hard facts. I don’t know what that means exactly, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable to think about it. But I’ve typed it out so I have to keep it there. Because I don’t believe in using the erase button. I mean the delete button. Deletion key? Doesn’t exist. I ripped it off my computer and threw it in the toilet. And flushed it. It didn’t go down, so it’s floating in there. I should probably scoop it out with a little net… Maybe next year. Okay! Let’s get on with the show! Here’s a picture of me on an airplane! It’s called, “Legroom? More like Leg-closet!”

Oh yes, thank you for asking. I am a model.

Okay! Enough sexiness for one day. Let’s get to the YOKES!

10 NEW JOKES RIGHT HERE:

I love when it's really really hot outside. Because I love sweater weather.

Me: I dyed my hair blue!
Friend: is it permanent? Or semi-permanent?
Me: says it lasts for 9 washes. So considering how rarely I shower… it’s pretty permanent.

My love language is hot dog memes.

Pontoons are the golf carts of the sea.

I have an online store where we only sell brick and mortar.

I’m working on a show called “Hat” Ones where we interview celebrities while they try on hats. And drink milk.

When a baby is born the first thing they do is cry. Kind of intense.
But it’s definitely better than if babies were born and immediately started laughing.
Like woah… hold on. What’s so funny?

Nobody:
Me flexing: I’m taller than your dad.

What do you call your pet after they eat so many snacks that they pass out?
A stuffed animal.

I’ve been eating barbecue chips out of the bag leaning against my bed long enough that my Apple Watch is logging it as exercise.
Can’t stop now, I could actually close my ring today.

EXCITING UPDATES ABOUT MY ONLINE COMEDY WRITING AND SILLINESS GROUP:

The Squirrel Club Agenda!

Writing Zoom hangs will now be ONCE a month! The first Sunday of the month. And the next Zoom writing hang will be Sunday, September 6, @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central

AND NOW I’ll be going live on Instagram, every Tuesday @ 7pm Pacific / 9pm Central. Join in for writing prompts, silliness, and writing games.

To stay in the loop about The Squirrel Club Agenda, join my mailing list!

https://mailchi.mp/2f97fdf4cf82/squirrel-club-agenda-mailing-list

You can also support my comedy adventures here, and help me start a podcast!

https://patreon.com/TheSquirrelClubAgenda

Pretty cool.

And speaking of cool stuff, here are my upcoming comedy shows!

UPCOMING SHOWS:

LOS ANGELES, CA
Outside Jokes - Sep 11th
Pasadena Ice House - Sep 21st

MINNESOTA
Various gigs, Minneapolis - Sep 26-28

WISCONSIN
The Plus, Eau Claire, WI - Sep 29

LOS ANGELES, CA
Beef! At the Clubhouse - Oct 17th
Trigger Warning at The Glendale Room - Oct 12th
Jokeback Mountain - Nov 16th

MINNESOTA
Featuring at ACME w/ Tommy Ryman - Nov 27-30th