Giraffes and Fruit

10 new jokes a week by comedian Andy Erikson.

Another week of jokes coming at you! As always I welcome all thoughts, comments, feedback, tags etc. Especially if you can work a unicorn into one of my jokes…

Hope everyone is staying warm. Here’s a photo I took of snow waves on the road to make you have happy thoughts about snow. So pretty!

THE JOKES:

I told my husband I was going to take a shower and he cheered.
That’s how long it’s been.

I wonder if dice know how close they are to being a Dalmatian puppy?

When you know how something is made you can no longer enjoy it. 
That’s why I don’t make the bed.

I can’t decide if I like giraffes or ostriches better. They’re neck and neck.

What did the person who hoards rice say when they got a headache?
“This is migraine!”

Why did the boxer refuse to fight unless water was falling from the sky?
Because he wanted to be the raining champion.

I have very good muscle memory. I remember that it hurts to use my muscles so I eat cake and lay on the couch.

My tag line is: “You’re it!”

My friend had a gluten allergy that was so bad she had to get rid of her fancy dog.
Yeah. It was pure bread.

Mom: What did you have for breakfast today?
Me: Fruit…
Mom: Oh good!
Me: (quietly) …rollups.

Thank you for reading!

UPCOMING SHOWS:

Monday, March 15th at 7pm - I’ll be hosting Punchline Punchout at Sisyphus Brewery in Minneapolis: More info here.