Giraffes and Fruit
10 new jokes a week by comedian Andy Erikson.
Another week of jokes coming at you! As always I welcome all thoughts, comments, feedback, tags etc. Especially if you can work a unicorn into one of my jokes…
Hope everyone is staying warm. Here’s a photo I took of snow waves on the road to make you have happy thoughts about snow. So pretty!
I told my husband I was going to take a shower and he cheered. That’s how long it’s been. I wonder if dice know how close they are to being a Dalmatian puppy? When you know how something is made you can no longer enjoy it. That’s why I don’t make the bed. I can’t decide if I like giraffes or ostriches better. They’re neck and neck. What did the person who hoards rice say when they got a headache? “This is migraine!” Why did the boxer refuse to fight unless water was falling from the sky? Because he wanted to be the raining champion. I have very good muscle memory. I remember that it hurts to use my muscles so I eat cake and lay on the couch. My tag line is: “You’re it!” My friend had a gluten allergy that was so bad she had to get rid of her fancy dog. Yeah. It was pure bread. Mom: What did you have for breakfast today? Me: Fruit… Mom: Oh good! Me: (quietly) …rollups.
Thank you for reading!
Monday, March 15th at 7pm - I’ll be hosting Punchline Punchout at Sisyphus Brewery in Minneapolis: More info here.