Magic and Cats

10 weird jokes a week, by comedian Andy Erikson

The jokes keep coming! Keep the comments, tags, likes and insights coming! It’s nice to know my friends and family are weird too. (And sometimes weirder…)

(Below is a photo taken before an X-Ray. It’s wild how much I regret not stealing these hot hot shorts.)

THE JOKES:

If someone can breath super easily... do they have tallness of breath?

What do cats call Cat Cafes?
Cafes.

I don’t want to divide the country right now, but I’ve had something on my mind that I think deserves to be said:
We need to start saying ‘bless you’ after someone farts.

I tried to use my HSA account to pay for Taco Bell last night but they didn’t consider it a medical expense.
Well if that wasn’t a colonoscopy I don’t know what is.

Magician: I’m trying to finish this magic trick. What are you doing?
Me: I’m showing you this knitted garment with an open front.
Magician: What? Why! I need to finish this trick!
Me: You said you wanted to see my cardigan!

Mom: So does Los Angeles feel like your home, now that you’ve lived there for 6 years?
Me: A hotel room feels like home after 2 days.

I tried doing an elevator pitch in a real elevator to impress a television executive.
As I’m sure you can imagine it didn’t go so well.
Baseball totally hit him in the face.

Why did the model lean into the garden?
Because she wanted breast in plants.

Whenever I see a fake flower I think it’s a pen.

You know you’re good friends with someone when they clean before you come over.
But when they don’t clean before you come over, that’s true friendship.

I would hurt a flea.