Tanning Beds and Driving

10 new jokes every week, by comedian Andy Erikson.

More jokes coming at you! Thank you to everyone who has subscribed, liked, commented, laughed, wiggled, shared, sprinkled, potatoed, lassoed, chuckled, buckled, sliced and read. Here are 10 more jokes! Let me know which jokes stand out, or anything that comes to mind.

(below is a sign that made me laugh. So weird. I love it.)

THE JOKES:

I hate that I can’t tell the difference between green and blue.
The struggle is teal.

Bank Robber: You ready to rob this bank?
New Bank Robber: Yep!
Bank Robber: Wait. Why do you have two CD’s taped above your nose?
New Bank Robber: You told me to wear my disk eyes.

You know you’re a cat person when you start calling soup “wet food.”

Some girls like to shop for clothes.
And some girls like to get all their clothes from their mom and mother-in law from Kohl’s on Christmas.

I’ll never forget how to ride a bike. But I did forget the combination to my bike lock. So. Here we are.

My mom often laments that she wishes she was the type of grandma who baked cookies and cooked fancy meals.
But the other day my nieces were fighting over a blanket and my mom straight up cut it in half so they could each have one.
I think that’s a pretty cool grandma to be.

When I worked at a tanning salon, I didn’t make much money. But I got to use the tanning beds as much as I wanted.
I got paid in exposure.

What show does Amber, Topaz and Citrine like to watch?
Yellow Stone.

I went to the driving range for the first time today!
Ran over like 3 golfers.

Growing up, my mom was always afraid that we would get kidnapped.
Me and my sister were like, let’s not get carried away.